Self-Help

Part of being an empowered person is having intimate knowledge and awareness of yourself as an individual, including your strengths, talents, weaknesses, capabilities and limitations.

How well do you know yourself?  You’d be surprised how many people don’t know themselves at all!  If you’ve spent the majority of your time focusing on the people around you, you may not have a clear self-image, which can lead to feelings of inner disconnection and disempowerment.

On the other hand, when you know yourself well you are empowered in that knowledge.  You feel confident, self-assured, centered and strong, which enables you to live purposely and make more beneficial decisions.

Getting to know yourself is easy to do with a consistent investment of time and focus.  Basically, you’d start just like you would if you wanted to get to know another person better – you’d spend quality time with them!  By spending frequent quality time with yourself, you’ll gain a clearer idea of who you are.

Start by considering your interests and passions.  Grab a sheet of paper and jot down some of the things you enjoy doing now, or have wanted to explore in the past.  If you’re not sure, think about the things you did when you were younger. 

Have you always had an interest in creative activities like art and photography?  Did you belong to any clubs in school?  Have you always wanted to take foreign language classes or travel to exotic places?

Eventually you’ll want to devote time to exploring these activities because they’ll help you to grow more fully into yourself as a person.  However, for now simply explore your dreams, passions and interests on paper.

It’s also a good idea to get an idea of your personal values using this same process.  What is most important to you?  Honesty, love, compassion, service to others, family connections, making a positive difference in the world?  Jot down some ideas about the things that really matter to you.  Through these values you’ll get a clearer idea of the type of person you are.

Eventually you’ll want to be sure that the majority of your daily activities are in line with these values.  For example, does your job support your value of honesty, or are you required to “fib” or act in ways that are contrary to your values?  This is important because you will never feel truly empowered until you are living in alignment with your core values!

Another great way to get to know yourself better is through journaling.  When you journal, you are connecting with a deeper part of yourself: your authentic self!  Start by writing down some of your inner thoughts and insights about yourself.  If you’re not sure exactly what to write, try asking questions like these:

• Who am I?
• Why am I here?
• What is my life purpose?
• What am I here to contribute to the world?
• What do others think of me?
• Is that who I really am?

Don’t worry about getting the answers right – the important thing is to explore your personality and get a clearer idea of who you are.  Open your mind and let the answers spill out onto the page.

Getting to know yourself is a process that will continue throughout the rest of your life, but the more connected you become with your inner self, the more confident, self-assured – and empowered - you’re going to feel.

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Living your life as an empowered person often requires the placement of boundaries – invisible “lines” across which you will not allow people or events to infringe upon your time or resources.

When you have clear inner boundaries in place, you know where you stand and you’re able to make decisions that support and nurture you. 

These decisions may include refusing extra obligations that you do not have the time or desire to fulfill, keeping a greater distance between you and people who tend to drain your energy, or insisting that others respect your personal time.

A disempowered person will usually find it difficult to set boundaries because they don’t feel that they have the right to do so, or the strength to stand firm in their decisions.  Does that describe you?

If so, read on for some simple and painless ways to set firmer boundaries in your life:

1) First, understand that you have the right to set boundaries.  This can be difficult if you struggle with low self-esteem or self-confidence.  You might hesitate to set boundaries because you’re afraid that people won’t like you, or you’ll hurt someone’s feelings by refusing their requests for help. 

However, more often than not your own feelings will be hurt if you don’t set boundaries!  You’ll find yourself agreeing to do things you really don’t want to do or don’t have time to do, and you’ll run yourself ragged trying to please everyone.  Setting boundaries involves learning to love and respect yourself, and your time and resources.

Get into the habit of affirming your own value and worth, and strengthen your belief that you deserve to live a calmer, more peaceful life.  Be committed to caring for yourself first, and then helping others as time allows.  Remind yourself that you don’t have to feel guilty about not saving the world – do what you can and feel good about it.

2) Build up your courage.  Learning to say “no” can be scary, but it’s important to believe that you have the strength and confidence to stand firm in your decisions.  One good way to become more courageous is to understand that nothing bad will happen if you refuse extra obligations or favors that someone asks of you. 

Will they be disappointed?  Probably.  Will they stop speaking to you or get angry with you?  Probably not.  Except in extreme circumstances, most often the person will simply move on and ask someone else for help.

If you do happen to receive a strong negative reaction when saying no, ask yourself if it really matters to you?  That may sound harsh, but you have to eventually realize that it’s not your job to make life easier for others – especially when doing so makes life more difficult for you! 

A person who gets angry about your unwillingness to help is probably a person who has gotten comfortable using you as a doormat.  In those cases it’s best to nip the problem in the bud before it takes over your life.

3) Be firm, but nice.  One of the reasons you may hesitate to say no is because you think it will make you look “bitchy” or selfish – but that can be avoided by finding a pleasant way to say it.  Rather than saying brusquely, “No, I won’t help you with this,” you could say apologetically, “I’m really sorry, but I just can’t do it at this time.  Maybe another time?” 

The majority of people will understand and not be upset.  However, if you do receive resistance, that is the time to become more firm in your answers. 

One of the hardest parts of setting boundaries is learning to be firm with yourself!  You may be tempted to overextend yourself to help others, even when you know it wouldn’t be in your best interests. 

When that temptation arises, you’ll have to be able to override your desire to please and do what you know is best for yourself.